I know it’s been like 3 weeks since I last blogged and I will say the holidays were wonderful and crazy and exhausting. I am recovering from a pretty nasty sinus infection and still I kept trying to push through it. Finally gave up and kind of rested for the past three days and am feeling on the mend. So I have some downtime with baby sleeping, family gone home (sad about that Aunt Linda and Uncle Steve…we missed you this year Jenny and Ryan and Madi), and smoothie made….you can feel it already a resolution is coming, isnt it? My smoothie was the tip off. Yes…I have made a resolution, but it’s not what you think. Before I get there, I have to start by talking about Emme. She cracks me up. She is getting so funny. She is laughing now when we laugh because she is starting to understand that laughing is fun not because she gets our jokes. She is also a champion fighter of sleep. No lie…I can rock her for 20 minutes (oh and I know the rocking is bad) and she’s so sleepy, her eyes are rolling back in her eyelids and then she sees a string on the edge of her b (Blankie) and she is entranced with it. She is taking so much in. She actually shocked me this holiday when she could point to or look at each family member by name. I didn’t even know she knew all their names. It’s not like we sit at home and practice. Haha. With the rush of the season, I am surprised she even knows me. LOL. Anyway, I am a proud mama…even if my child doesn’t want to sleep….but exhausted by the end of the day.
Anyway…what’s the topic–resolutions? Ah, yes. It’s that time of year. Time to make a list of all we will do to better ourselves this year. I think you will be surprised at mine. I know you read smoothie and you are thinking my resolution is to eat more healthy. Is that true? Yes, it’s always my goal…not always my action though. I want to cut out a lot of gluten. Will I do it? I’ll keep you posted.
What’s my resolution then? Actually, my resolution is to cut myself a break. I need it. Joel needs it. Emme needs it. My family needs it. My friends need it. I have begun to realize I can’t do everything! That is really hard for me to say. Because I do try to do everything…all the time. Truth is that I need rest. I need time to do lots of things like have coffee with a friend, go to the gym, play with Emme, and sit on the couch and watch TV. Sounds like a terrible thing for me to say. Even as I type it, I want to delete everything I have just posted because supermom wouldn’t say that, but the truth is I am not supermom. Never fit that description. I am just mom, and I think that more moms should just accept that you can only do so much each day. If we did, I think life would be fuller, relationships would be healthier, and we wouldn’t be so tired. LOL. The other thing I have learned is that it’s okay to have a variety of emotions in one day. 1. Dread…when you hear the whine or first sounds of movement before you are ready to get out of bed. 2. Acceptance…when you know that soon those sounds will turn into wails if you don’t get up now and change that soaking wet diaper from last night. 3. Joy: when you give them their first cup/bottle of milk for the day because you no longer have to buy formula. 4. Focus: when you are trying to make dinner and do the dishes while the baby is enjoying her first few moments of playtime. 5. Frustration: when you can’t walk from one side of the kitchen to the other to finish dinner because the baby is glued to your leg and if you move too fast she will fall. 6. A sigh of relief: when nap time finally arrives. 7. Anger: when you look at your list and only can cross off one thing you got done. 8. Complete contentment: when your daughter rests her sleepy head that just awoke on your shoulder. And the list goes on and on. It’s okay to feel all those emotions. It’s also okay to miss time for yourself and alone time with your mate. It’s okay to just want to go to any store alone without a baby so you can think about what you are shopping for.
There are lots of emotions a mom has. And I have come to realize that none of them mean you love your child any less than any other mom. It just means you’ve given your life to someone other than yourself. And we all need refreshment. We all need at the end of the day to accept it wasn’t perfect because no day will ever be perfect, but in it’s own little way the chaos, the blur, the change of emotions, and this crazy life of being a mom is somehow perfect when I think of her smile, the smell of her hair after a bath, the way she reaches for me when anyone else has her, the way she laughs with and loves her dad, and so many other things. So my resolution is to be okay with not being supermom.
Happy New Year!