Did you ever look at your life as a mom, a friend, a wife, a daughter, a person as not measuring up or lacking? I do that to myself a lot. I judge me. I’m my worst critic. I see the worst in me. I am sure in some ways we are all like that. My own voice is harsh. It’s sharp. It can be cutting. It says I’m not enough. I’m not good enough, and you know what, I am not on my own.
But there’s a voice that I hear when I get still. When I get quiet. When I let go of the noise. When I tell my own voice to shut up, and I just listen to a better voice. A stronger voice. The voice of grace. The voice that says, I can hold you in my hands in a better way, in a stronger way, in a more peaceful way. The one that says even if you feel like a failure, in my eyes you are perfect; even if you feel ugly, you are the perfect beauty in my eyes. And you don’t have to do or be anything to make Him feel that way about you.
It’s simply because grace is so amazing. It’s perfect love. It’s gentle when life is hard. It’s kind when life is mean. It’s peaceful when life is chaos. It’s strong when I am weak. It offers me nothing but the truest of beauty for my ashes, and mine are ashes. The ashes of self trust and striving, but he’s told me that He would catch me. That I don’t have to strive. That everything I need is in there, and when I fail, He’ll make up for it. All I need EVERYDAY is to hear his voice.
So time with God is no longer about doing my duty, it’s about hearing the voice of my rescuer, my pursuer, my best friend. The one who never fails, and who constantly tells me that He will rebuild what’s been stolen or destroyed by others or myself. He’s a mystery. I am listening to Kari Jobe right now, the song “Mystery.” It’s true. It’s a mystery how he loves us. He loves me when I feel unlovely, and He never lets go, even when I do.
I am done with my strength. His voice is the sweetest voice of trust and surest source of everything I need as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, and person. It’s grace so amazing. It’s grace that never fails. It’s grace that I need. His grace.