Well, again, it’s been a while since my last blog. Life has been busy, very busy, and one can get lost in this kind of movement. We are moving, Emme just turned two, Christmas is here, and who’s to do list isn’t long, but today I am slowing down. Resting, Trusting…that what God said is better than what my mind tries to figure out.
I’ve learned a lot this year. In fact, I am just different. Though the old me still wants to resurface and focus on what my senses tell me, I am learning that what God says will take me much farther than my own thoughts, my own strength, and my own figuring out. Emme’s party is tonight. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Wednesday is Christmas. And Saturday we move. Now one would think, today would be an insane day for me, but God spoke to my heart last night and told me He would be Emmanuel…truly this week I would see Him as God with me. And then He told me to physically rest today. Makes no sense to my natural mind. Makes perfect sense to my heart. So today, I rest and enjoy the beauty of my brother, sister in law, and nephew being home and the beauty of the beautiful friendships that have formed for my daughter and myself this year at her party tonight. The party is at Bounce U, and the best thing is we just show up. No decorating, no baking, no clean up, just enjoyment. Thank God for His provision for it.
Last year, I would have never had a party like this for Emme. I would have insisted on doing it all myself…decorations, cake, food, games, etc, but God is teaching me to let go, to trust, and to enjoy. I have done things this year that I never thought I would. I have colored on my child’s face with markers to give her a mustache. I have wrapped a present for a little boy inside out because the only paper I had was pink and let Emme draw and decorate it for his birthday. I’ve covered my child in shaving cream along with my tub walls. I have made Christmas ornaments out of applesauce and cinnamon and let Emme paint on the glue and glitter. I’ve let her color outside the lines and not cared. I’ve enjoyed a morning of cartoons and snuggles. I’ve let the house be a mess and enjoyed company after dinner instead of cleaning and doing the dishes. For those of you who know me, all of those are big steps. And while I can’t say at times, I haven’t lapsed back to my old OCD self and tried to have it all perfect and in order, I’ve found that sometimes life is most beautiful when messy and out of my order. I have been so much more me…the me in my heart.
God has been so good and so faithful to me this year. He has spoken and held my hand and led me and made me so much better. And it wasn’t me. It was just His kind peaceful voice calling me to let go of all the unnecessary weights I hold, so I could more fully enjoy the beauty of the wonderful life He has already given me. We all hold weights, and a lot of times we don’t realize we are holding them. Sure we enjoy life, but the weights hold us back from the glory of life’s full beauty.
Hebrews 12:1: Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Yes, we have a job to do here on earth and whether yours is teacher, accountant, SAHM, SAHD, nurse, doctor, lawyer, whatever, God didn’t just put you here to work and accumulate. He put you here for purpose but also enjoyment because He loves you. Sometimes, it isn’t sin that holds us back, it’s just extra weight that we carry. And he beckons us to: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ” ( Matthew 11:28). See he has rest for your soul and always has. not just from the weight of sin but from the weight of life and all we feel we must carry.
So my encouragement to you is that life is a marathon. It isn’t a sprint, and God wants you to live out of your heart where He is God and you are not. It is the most peaceful wonderful journey because it is a journey of love. A journey of belief, not another set of rules to follow. Sure its not easy at times to take our eyes off the waves, but if you lift your eyes up just a little higher, your perspective can change. You’ll hear the calmer more peaceful voice of Emmanuel saying I am here. Trust me. I’ll take care of the details. You don’t have to figure it all out any more. You can trust me and rest. That’s who Jesus is at Christmas and all year round, whatever season you are in. Trusting him is so worth it.
Just a quick thank you to some people who have been so instrumental in my growth this year. Thank God he brought them to me. Lena Dornetto, thanks for taking pressure off me. Not caring if my house is a mess or if I’m grumpy, but just teaching me that the ideal of perfection isn’t always ideal. Sometimes, it’s way too heavy to carry. Erin Brown, thanks for helping me become a better mom, for teaching me to let go of perfection in my child’s behavior, to enjoy her, to parent her with patience, and to choose joy all the time. And if you are looking for some great teaching on God and how to hear him, check out Pastor John Nuzzo, Judah Smith, Keith and Phyllis Moore, John and Stasi Eldredge, and David and Roxanne Swann, Thank God for his faithfulness. What He has done in my life, He will be faithful to do in yours…radically change your heart for the better!