Give yourself some time and space

I don’t know how to divorce life and Jesus anymore, and I don’t want to.  I can’t pretend this blog is just about being a mom because it isn’t.  It is realizing the power of who He is to enable me to be the mom my kids need, the friend my friends need, and the light so many people need.  But this particular blog is about mommyhood mostly, I think.

I’ve talked about them before, but some moms were born to be moms.  They spent life dreaming of being a mom, couldn’t wait for it to happen, and when the baby came, it was like they knew what to do.

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I wasn’t that mom.  I was the worrying mom.  The what do I do mom.  The give me 10 steps kind of mom.  To dispel the myth, there is no perfect formula for every child.  Babywise works for some.  Happiest baby on the block for others.  A hybrid of the two for some, and your very own method for others.  Why doesn’t one size fit all?  Because no two babies or mommies are exactly alike.  And you don’t have to be someone else’s clone.

So when you don’t know what to do, what do you do?  Ask others for advice, but don’t feel the need to get it perfectly like them.  Read a book if you want, but mostly trust God to speak to your heart and try new things.  Give yourself the time you need to become the great mom you already are.

Now I know you are saying, how do I know I am a great mom?  What if I am a terrible mom?  What if I don’t know what to do when things happen?  What if I mess up?  Relax.  I have thought all those things.  There is no such thing as a perfect mom.  She doesn’t exist even if you think she does or you think you have seen her.  If you are worried about being a terrible mom, then chances are you aren’t one because you care about what kind of mom you are.  There is no perfect response to every situation again because every mom and child are different.  And relax, you will mess up.  We all do.

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The best advice is to believe what God said about you when you do mess up.  That you are still righteousness because your right standing with Him isn’t dependent on your behavior being perfect.  It’s dependent on his sacrifice for you, and His enablement to help you grow each day.  He loves you the very same when you feel like you’ve made the biggest parenting mistake ever, and He is more than capable to overcome your mistakes in the life of your child and your life if you trust Him to do that for you.

I’ve listened to some pretty incredible messages lately on the love of God that brings satisfaction by Judah Smith.  His series steals the name from a U2 song—great band by the way–“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”  Please listen if you haven’t. Here’s the link: http://thecity.org/series/still_havent_found_what_im_looking_for.   It’s incredible, but he talks about stretching our weakness or what we see as our failures out to God because He is the fulfillment of what we have been looking for…not based on our ability to keep his commandments perfectly, but our ability to trust His love for us and allow Him into our ugliness or what we perceive as our ugliness because His love has already overcome it.

I wish I would have given myself time as a new mom.  Space to grow, but I didn’t.  I expected perfection right from the get go, but perfection doesn’t exist.  I expected myself to be a completely different person overnight than I had been for the past 30 years.  Sometimes, you need time.  I believe in miracles, and I believe that some things happen in a moment’s time because of Jesus’s goodness, but not everything does.  The Bible spends a lot of its time talking about seed, time, and harvest.  Planting seed, tending to it as it takes time to grow, and harvesting when that time has come.  It’s a process that works spiritually and naturally.

So new mom, or new mom of 2 or 3 of 4 of 10, give yourself time.  Give your self space and grace to grow into your new role.  Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your children….ready…..EVER!!  Instead give yourself the best gift you can, trust in the love of a Savior, who has already told you who you are…..His child, full of love, joy, peace, and patience, righteousness with God through Christ, able to rest in His ability and wisdom.  And He promised if you asked for wisdom and trusted that He wasn’t fault-finding that He would give it to you.  He isn’t condemning.  He isn’t mean.  He isn’t fault finding, even if we are or that’s how we perceive Him to be.  He never gives up on us and never leaves us, and new mom, He won’t leave you!  He’s faithful like that!

You won’t enjoy every minute.  Though I will encourage you to try because if you can, you’ll enjoy motherhood more.  See it is as a journey, and give your kids the same grace God has given you so you can guard and grow their hearts, not just modify their behavior.  You can do it!  🙂  God loves you so much, and He loves your kids, too!  That’s why he gave them you as their mom!

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And I guess I was wrong with my opening statement.  This definitely isn’t mostly about mommyhood because I can’t divorce it from Jesus.

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About ajoyborrelli

My daughter, Emme, came into my life in December of 2011. I recently resigned a teaching position to be a stay at home mom and take care of her. This blog chronicles our days, activities, and lessons learned along the way!
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