Where Am I Going with This?

So I need to blog because I have some things to get straight in my heart, but to be honest, I am not really sure where this is going.  Sorry, if that makes it difficult for you to follow, but blogging always helps me get things straight some how.  

So, I was listening to a few messages this week, but it wasn’t Judah Smith!  It was Steven Furtick.  I was listening to the 3-4 messages in the Death to Selfie series, and may I say, they are so good.  And they were so timely.  God is so good.  He knows just what I need when I need it.  And He is the same for you.

So a little background, my daughter has been a little challenging lately.  Why?  Because she needs my time.  And I want to give it to her, but I am torn with laundry, dishes, nursing, chores, cooking, nursing Judah, and even some time for me.  Where does it all fit in?  But she needs me, and I want to give her the best that I can.  

So what does that have to do with the Steven Furtick messages?  Well, he talked about God being in the middle of my nowhere, and when He’s in the middle of my nowhere, He is now here.  And He is.  And I am so glad He is faithful to talk to me when I feel like I can’t find my way.  And I am also thankful for grace.  Steven Furtick was talking about Leah and Rachel, and how Leah achieved but wasn’t approved of by Jacob, her husband, while Rachel had all the approval and couldn’t achieve like Leah in having sons for her husband.  So they both were miserable because they were seeking either approval or achievement from someone other than God.

A while back, I mentioned learning to be content in whatever situation I am in because God is there with me.  But I will never be content if I am trying to achieve apart from God and His plan for my life or if I am trying to gain approval from any person, including my daughter…she’s human and two and prone to change and be pleased one minute and displeased the next.  But I try to achieve more to gain her approval sometimes, and then I end up feeling like a failure as her mom.

But God’s trying to say, I approve of you already…regardless of how you see yourself failing or succeeding…and I will help you achieve the most important things if you follow my way and not yours….and all of this is a gift we get because of Jesus.  How cool is that?  It’s free.  I don’t have to strive.  I don’t have to feel guilty.  I don’t have to hide if I mess up.  I can run to my Daddy because of what my Jesus did for me.  It’s free. It’s grace.  It’s because He loves us so much better than we can even begin to fathom.  And it’s because human love is so performance based, but God’s is NOT.  Thank God!

So I seek to gain approval in the wrong place, and I push myself to achieve in many areas where if I would just follow His way, I would save so much frustration.  Leah and Rachel manipulated and caused frustration and misery in seeking both of those things in Jacob, when God had all along intended to give them what they wanted.   If they would have just looked to and trusted Him, they would have missed out on so much misery and dead ends and feelings of failure.  

So I have to give up my need for approval and achievement from my kids, my husband, and any other human on the planet.  And guess who benefits from that the most?  ME!  I gain freedom.  I gain approval and love.  I gain wisdom to follow His plan, and in exchange, all I have to do is trust.  Is take the leap and believe that His Word is powerful and sharper than a two edged sword that will produce exactly the fruit it says it will.

And I see it in the areas that I use His Word and my words to affect.  I haven’t done anything.  I have just spoken the truth to it, and trusted what He said. So I guess the lesson is trust and use the trust to speak the truth over the situation and follow His direction because it leads me so much quicker to the path that is best for me.  I don’t need to predetermine what that path will look like.  Just trust and obey because I am in the arms of my Daddy, who loves me so much!  And I try to lead Emme to good things through my direction and God is so much better than me!  

SO I think I found my destination for this blog…TRUST BECAUSE HE LOVES ME and drop my need for approval and achievement in the eyes of the world.  He’s better.  He’s smarter.  He’s more loving.  


About ajoyborrelli

My daughter, Emme, came into my life in December of 2011. I recently resigned a teaching position to be a stay at home mom and take care of her. This blog chronicles our days, activities, and lessons learned along the way!
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