You know I sit here, a mom recovering from hormone imbalance now for the 3rd time, and I am all at once again struck by the fact that in some ways I am thankful for this season. Strange, huh? You might wonder why, as do I sometimes, but this season reminds me of the truth that I so often forget when I feel normal. I lose my wonder. I often see myself as giving and giving and giving, and I forget that these little people that are my children, and this man that is my husband and provider and best friend and stability in the storm, and these women that are my confidants and friends, and these people that are my family, and these families that are my friends and neighbors, are really all for me.
You know we lose sight of that in the normal day to day. I think about myself and how much I have given and how tired I am and how can I do one more thing? But when I go through the recovery process of hormones or anxiety or depression or whatever you are dealing with that exhibits very similar symptoms to the ones I am having, I realize that all the things I do….my job, my husband, my family, my friends, my kids, my relationship with Jesus….those things are really all for me. In Psalm 103:2-5 it says: “Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.3 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. 4 He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. 5 He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!” The things I previously listed those are the good things He fills my life with. They are my comfort and my reward. They are the blessings that He fills my life. They give me love and joy and security and comfort, and they make my life full.
I think the reason we are so lost from a cultural perspective is because we have sought after money and things and prominence rather than the things that truly fulfill like family and career and passion that give us the purpose we need to exist. My husband and I went out one evening on vacation after the kids were sleeping to enjoy some adult time, and I was struck by how obsessed our culture is with fun without purpose. I honestly see it creating so many more problems rather than pure enjoyment. Does your life have a purpose? If it doesn’t, it’s time to seek one out. It seems so hard on our flesh, but it gives so much satisfaction….if we can only see it that way. Yes, it demands focus and hard work, but the dividends pay far richer than a bigger paycheck and stock options ever could. Are you giving your life away? Because it really is how you gain it.
I was talking with Joel last night before we fell asleep, and we were talking about goals and passions, and I know that might sound lame or too hard, but at the end of my life, I don’t want to look back and think that I wasted it, that I spent all my life and have nothing to show. Joel asked me the question, what are you passionate about? And I told him it was kind of unfair to ask me that in the state that I am in right now because I am still not 100% myself just yet, but I know the answer to that. I am passionate about my kids. I am passionate about him as a man. I am passionate about Jesus. I am passionate about living life with the people that I call friends and family. I am passionate about all those things, but that is and always has been a choice. You see I found my life when I laid it down. And it’s worth laying it down, because I found so much fulfillment and joy….not perfection, not life without challenges, but the kind of life I could lay my head down at night and sigh with satisfaction that my life counts for something…I found purpose. And though my purpose may require hard work and effort, I am not in this battle alone. I have someone fighting for me. And He will fight for you too and give you wisdom and direction and favor.
He truly has given me all things to enjoy and He will always meet my needs! I Tim 6:17: 17 Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.