She’s There

I’ve always had a problem with lateness, even before I had kids.  It’s kind of my thing.  I have to say above all else I excel at lateness.  Haha.  I say that knowing my mother will laugh, but at the same time, I honestly do try to be on time.  It just isn’t one of my strengths.  So that being said, it will be no surprise to her that this post is one day late.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  Happy belated Mother’s Day out there to all you mommas.  I know Mother’s Day is a celebration of you, so I hope you were pampered and loved and didn’t have to cook or clean or do the dishes or change diapers, but alas, I know that days like that don’t come because mothering is in our hearts, even if we get tired.  It’s almost like we don’t know how not to take care of people.  It’s part of who we are in our souls.

So there’s this woman.  I am not sure I have words to describe her.  But what I do know is therethat she is consistently there.  I am not sure that thereness is celebrated often enough in our society.  We value success and ambition and drive, but I am beginning to see the absolute value of someone you can constantly count on.

Her thereness is something I trust, something I depend on. I am sure I often take advantage of it.  I call her last minute, late at night, early in the morning.  I wake her and then I often nag her a little for still being in bed when I have been up for a few hours already.  And then I talk to her because I love her and then I ask her for something.  Sound familiar?  You see my existence, even as an adult, still depends on her.  She is still one of the main pieces of my world, and I once again love spending time with her.

Mom-Quote-Home-isYou know how they say your children love spending time with you when they are young, so you should enjoy it because there will be a period of time where they push away from your thereness.  They want to assert their independence as teenagers, but you have to be there for them as they do it.  So tricky.  No one does it perfectly.

But her thereness even in the hard times has drawn me back to her. I need her.  I don’t want to be an adult without her, and I sure am thankful she loves my kids and me enough to save me from myself when I need a break as a mom.  If you haven’t guessed, she is my mom.  She built my world in beauty as a kid, and she continues to build beauty in it as an adult.  I hear her words come out of my mouth, and though I may disagree with her at times, I see the truth in everything she tells me, even when it’s not what I want to hear.

She knows me.  She’s seen me at my greatest and at my worst, and she has been there brokenthrough it all.  And though I call it thereness, its the sacrifices and the heart of love to be there.  She has given of herself and yet maintained her identity.  She has held her ground when I am sure she wanted to cave.  She was strong when I am sure she wanted to cry.  She stayed when I am sure there were times she wanted to run. (And I will only be slightly scarred that she tricked me when I was young and sent me to get ice cream with my dad so she could secretly leave with my older brother to visit my aunt in Illinois….haha).  She remained silent when I am sure she wanted to speak.  She helped when I am sure she wanted to rest.  She spoke gently when I am sure she wanted to yell.  And she loved when I am sure it wasn’t easy.

Mom, you embody love.  I am so thankful God made you.  Though we are not the same and we often see things differently, I would not change you.  I need you.  I love you!  You created a world for me that is beautiful, full of love, full of strength, full of Jesus.  You taught me how to live and love, and for that I honor you every day!  I’ve said a lot, but they still feel like the words fall short.  You are beautiful, lovely, and above all, my favorite friend.  Happy Mother’s Day….one day late!

Love you!

Amanda

 

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About ajoyborrelli

My daughter, Emme, came into my life in December of 2011. I recently resigned a teaching position to be a stay at home mom and take care of her. This blog chronicles our days, activities, and lessons learned along the way!
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